# Lesson 226: Talking about conflicts

❤️ SOCIAL EMOTIONAL LEARNING (40 Lessons) • 🟣 D. Problem Solving & Safety

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## Objective

I can talk about conflicts in a calm way. I can name the problem, use kind words, listen to others, and help look for a fair, safe idea together.

## Materials

- Plain paper or a notebook page
- Crayons or colored pencils
- Optional: sticky notes or stars to mark calm ideas

## Mini-lesson — What is a conflict?

A conflict is a problem between people. It happens when people want different things, do not agree, or feel something is not fair.

Examples of conflicts

- Two children both want the same toy.
- Someone cuts in line and another child feels upset.
- Friends disagree about the rules of a game.
- Someone uses unkind words and feelings get hurt.

Talking about conflicts calmly

- First, help your body feel calm (use Stop, Breathe, Think, Choose from the last lesson).
- Use a kind voice, not a shouting voice.
- Name the problem in simple words.
- Take turns to talk and listen.

Taking turns to talk

- One person talks while the other listens.
- Then you switch and the other person talks.
- You can show listening with your eyes, ears, and body.
- Repeat back what you heard: "You feel upset because…"

Kind words in conflicts

- Use "I" messages: "I feel… when… I need…"
- Try words like "Can we take turns?" or "Let us find a fair way."
- Say "I am sorry" when you make a mistake.

When to ask an adult

- When the conflict feels too big to solve alone.
- When someone is being unsafe or using scary words.
- When you have tried calm talking and still feel stuck.

Adults can say: "Let us talk about this conflict. We will take turns to speak and listen, then look for a fair, safe idea."

Picture strip: "Talk, listen, find fair"

## Guided Practice — Conflict talking map

You and an adult will choose a small, everyday conflict and draw a simple talking map to practise calm words and listening.

1. On a notebook page, draw three boxes in a row. Label them "My words", "Your words", and "Our fair idea".
2. Pick a tiny conflict, such as "We both want the same game" or "Someone cuts the line". Write or trace the conflict at the top of the page.
3. In the My words box, help the child think of an "I" message, such as "I feel sad when I get pushed. I need us to wait our turn." Draw the child and add the speech bubble.
4. In the Your words box, draw the other person. Help the child imagine what the other person might say, such as "I did not see the line. I can go to the back."
5. In the Our fair idea box, draw both people and one fair, safe idea (for example, "We both wait in line" or "We take turns for two minutes each"). Add a short label.
6. Practise reading the talking map aloud together. Take turns saying each speech bubble using a calm voice.
7. Ask: "How does it feel when both people get to speak and listen?" and "What makes this idea fair and safe?"

Tracing Pad
Lines
Trace
Pen

## Practice — Two sides of a conflict

Use this practice to help your child notice that conflicts have two sides and that both people's feelings and words matter.

1. On a new page, draw a line down the middle. At the top, write or trace "Two sides of a conflict".
2. On the left side, write "Person A". On the right side, write "Person B".
3. Choose a small conflict story, such as "Two people want the same seat" or "One friend does not want to play the game". Write or trace it at the top.
4. On the Person A side, help the child draw the person and add:
   - How Person A feels.
   - What Person A wants.
   - One calm sentence Person A could say.
5. On the Person B side, do the same: draw, show feelings, wants, and one calm sentence.
6. Under the line, draw both people again and write or trace one fair, safe idea they can agree on (for example, "We sit together", "We take turns", or "We choose a new game").
7. Ask: "What did we learn about each side?" and "How did listening to both sides help?"
8. Mark the fair idea with a star or sticker to show it as a peaceful choice.

## Quick Check — Talking about conflicts

Answer each question about conflicts, kind words, and listening turns.

1) What is a conflict?

A happy game where everyone agrees. A problem or disagreement between people. A time when you are all by yourself.
A conflict is a problem or disagreement between people.

2) Which sentence shows calm talking in a conflict?

"I feel sad when I get pushed. Can we wait in line?" "Move! I do not care about you." "I will never talk to you again."
Calm talking uses "I" messages and kind words.

3) In a conflict, what does it mean to listen?

Talk the whole time without stopping. Look away and think about something else. Be quiet, look at the speaker, and try to understand their words.
Listening means paying attention to the other person's words and feelings.

4) Why do we take turns to talk in a conflict?

So we can both shout at the same time. So everyone gets a chance to speak and feel heard. So one person can always win.
Taking turns helps each person share their side of the story.

5) Which is an example of an "I" message?

"I feel upset when my picture gets torn." "You are always mean." "Everyone must do what I want."
"I" messages share our own feelings without blaming.

6) Two children both want the same swing. What is a fair idea?

Push the other person away. Stay on the swing all day. Take turns on the swing for a few minutes each.
Taking turns is fair and lets everyone have a chance.

7) How might people feel after they talk calmly about a conflict?

More mixed up and unsafe. More calm and understood. Exactly the same as when they shouted.
Calm talking can help people feel more calm and understood.

8) When should you ask an adult to help with a conflict?

When the conflict feels too big, unsafe, or stuck. Only when you want to win the argument. Never. You must always fix it alone.
Adults can help keep everyone safe and guide the talking.

9) What should you do if you say something unkind in a conflict?

Say more unkind things. Pretend it did not happen. Say "I am sorry" and try again with kinder words.
We can fix mistakes by saying sorry and using kinder words next time.

10) What is one big goal of this lesson?

To make sure there are never any conflicts. To help children talk about conflicts calmly and look for fair, safe ideas. To teach children to win every argument.
Conflicts will still happen, but we can talk about them calmly and find fair, safe ideas.

## Assessment (parent/teacher)

Student can say in simple words what a conflict is. Student can give at least one example of calm talking in a conflict. Student can explain why it is important to take turns to talk and listen. Student can suggest one fair, safe idea for a small conflict story. Student knows they can ask a trusted adult to help talk about big or unsafe conflicts.

## Exit ticket (student)

😀 I can talk about conflicts calmly and listen to others. 🙂 I know some calm talking steps, but I still need practice. 😅 Talking about conflicts still feels tricky for me.

#### Next time I will practise…

Using an "I feel…" message Taking turns to talk and listen Asking an adult to help with a big conflict
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